FAMILY MATTERS

The Choice of a Marriage Partner

By Tom & Lynette Lichuma

Most men and women grow up with the desire to marry. Every man looks for a perfect wife, while a woman searches for “prince charming” for their lifelong partner. This may sound like a fairy tale, but it is the reality.

In the olden days, the community would play a leading role in this important task of picking a marriage partner, based on the cultural history of the two families. In the recent times, community participation is limited and has been hindered by changes in lifestyles and urbanization.

God pairs couples

Every man and woman looking for a marriage partner must surrender to God’s will, because when God pairs couples, He already knows the strengths and weaknesses in each one of them. He brings them together for the purpose of complementing each other. They are like the cog and wheel that fit into each other.

Yet God in His wisdom, has given humankind free will, the freedom of choice. Wise choices are made through the wise counsel of the Holy Spirit who guides partners towards each other and ensures that they meet and accept one another.

Signs of a good relationship

The first positive sign that one is headed in the right direction in the search of a marital partner is being of like-mindedness on important relational issues. One will instinctively know this by understanding why certain things never worked well with the other prospective partners.

It is worthwhile to note that there are no perfect human beings. It is prudent to say that when considering a marriage partner, one should explore both visible and invisible strengths and weaknesses exhibited by the partner. This is not a one-day activity as it takes time to know one another well. In premarital language, this is called courtship that culminates in engagement where more seriousness on the relationship is exhibited.

Other signs are the time spent together and the positive communication experienced, where partners talk freely about themselves and everything else laced with effective listening and affection, thus, developing a deep connection.

It is during this time that partners are supposed to learn and understand how their mates react to different life situations and how they interact with other people. They should learn to share freely on matters of life such as; church, family values, finances, children, in-laws and employment. These are areas of possible conflict in marriage when not carefully shared during courtship and engagement.

If couples are earnestly seeking the will of God, He will direct their paths towards a fulfilling marriage. God’s grace should help them to spend the rest of their lives together striving to be responsible partners and each other’s servant till death.

Tom & Lynette Lichuma are authors of Family Life books;

To The Altar & Beyond

Parenting in the 21st Century & Beyond

Breaking the Shackles of Adolescence

Demystifying the Worldwide Marriage Encounter

The Strength & Courage of a Woman